The Funny reports in the Sheriff's Log

I love reading the Enterprise. I know that sounds like a shameless plug, but compared to the mass produced Associated Press based newspapers we read everywhere else, it has that hometown, handmade feel to it. I am like a lot of readers in that I read the front section first, then the sports section, see what the editorials have to say, and look at real estate ads to see what other folks homes are selling for. I really like Kevin Wychopen’s column as it reminds me of why I like Calaveras so much. He seems to have that honest discussion in his mind going on about issues of the day. Don Urbanus too has a fun way of looking at daily life, and I read Molly’s horsing around column, Williams fishing column, Rick’s Golfing tips and The Tao of life by Jeremy Malamed. All unique and all charming in their own way.

But my favorite part of the paper is the Sherriff’s log. My wife and I scour it tirelessly looking for some of the really odd calls that the Sheriffs seem to get. In one sense I am amazed that people actually call these in, but here they are. I am going to repeat some of my favorites, not meaning to hurt anyone that may have been involved or to diminish the seriousness of the calls, but dang, these are too funny to not repeat.( My comments are italicized in the brackets)

Here are three trespassing calls: 9:46 am Copperopolis – Reporting party believes subjects come into her house and eat all her food when she is not there – ( the crime spree continues:) 10:34 am Rancho Calaveras – Trespassers in a subject’s garage. Went in while the homeowner was asleep and scattered their laundry all over the place – (and by the afternoon, the trespassers are fed, their clothes are cleaned, but they realize they have to get their car back) 1:46 pm San Andreas – Someone keeps taking reporting party’s car at night and brings it back in the morning. She writes down her mileage -

Or, how about these under the heading of what guys do when you’re not looking: 7:08 pm Valley Springs – Man with bald head is driving a go-cart across Hwy 26. Almost caused reporting party to have an accident ( bald guys do have more fun ) 10:36 am Mountain Ranch – Report of Drunk males shopping – gone on arrival. (not only has the extremely rare covey of shopping males been spotted, but their female partners had to get them drunk to force their shopping trip on them )

Now for my Father of the year award, check this one out: 10:48 am Murphy’s – Subject wants to make a report. Father awakened him before noon and sent him out apartment hunting in his pajamas

Now the dogs of Calaveras are not missing any tricks either: 8:52 am Mokelumne Hill – Dogs coming into the Church uninvited and bothering the patrons. Animal services contacted. ( Doesn’t that Church sign say everyone’s welcome ? ) 11:49 am West Point – Dog locked itself in the car while driver was out of the vehicle; the dog unlocked the car in 15 minutes before Calfire arrived. ( atta boy, save me the $150 unlock charge, good boy )

Now for the “Let the Meth do the talking” file … 3:44 am Valley Springs – Reporting party has a creepy feeling. Say’s it’s like when a cat get’s nervous and their tail fluffs up. Feels like someone may be in the area that shouldn’t be ( what you say Willis ? ) 7:37 pm San Andreas – Male subject in a verbal argument with a telephone pole – ( The pole won – it gave him the silent treatment ) or this one…11:52 am Copperopolis – Woman reports a “budda-budda-budda” noise. It’s been going on for a couple of days and has been making her crazy. Requests a drive through ( Maam, step back into the living room and turn off the Harley )

This one reminds me of a lot of my pals, normally nice guys until… 1:29 am San Andreas – Report of yelling and screaming and things breaking. Deputies discover a Church Basketball game in progress.

Here is a sweet one: 2:59 pm Copperopolis – Child dialed 911 to report that “Daddy was vacuuming for Mommy” –

I want to thank the Calaveras Sheriff’s office for being there for all of us whenever we need them, and for their fabulous log reports.